<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Just Close Your Eyes by Levaaah</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22631077">Just Close Your Eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levaaah/pseuds/Levaaah'>Levaaah</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Freefalling [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Under the Red Hood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abduction, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Sibling Bonding, What even is canon anymore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:42:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22631077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levaaah/pseuds/Levaaah</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I-I’m going to leave Gotham for a while, there’s just too many memories and I-“ she breathes unevenly, “I’m afraid if I stay with <i>him</i> locked up in Arkham, I’ll try to go after him again, dad stopped me last time, but he can't watch over me all the time,” Eleanor breathes in slowly again and exhales sharply, forcing her clenched fingers to relax.</p><p>“I love you Jay; I promise I won’t ever forget you”.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dick Grayson/Original Female Character, Jason Todd &amp; Original Female Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Freefalling [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1631698</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Come Morning Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>** 2014 – August – Gotham **</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Eleanor lets out a heavy sigh as she pauses, her fingers are starting to feel a bit numb from climbing the stone and metal building. Glancing around she can see the busy streets of the Gotham nightlife about a hundred or so feet down, the sky is somewhat clear from rain clouds for once and this high up away from the light pollution, Eleanor can actually see the faint glittering of stars overhead. Pulling herself up the last bit she comes to sit next to her quarry.</p><p>Jason gives her a questioning glance when she settles, brushing her cape away to not tug at it by accident.</p><p>“How’d you find me?”</p><p>“You have a favourite gargoyle Jaybird,” Eleanor replies with a smile. Not to mention she’d been tutored by her father in the art of tracking. But mostly it was the fact that Jason had a favourite gargoyle, and he went there whenever he was thinking, or angry, or upset. Jason bristles a bit at the nickname, but doesn’t say anything instead he shrugs, looking over towards the large monstrosity with its broken left wing and cracked left arm.</p><p>“He’s a good listener and doesn’t do the whole pity party or judge-y bullshit.”</p><p>“I can imagine,” Eleanor hums, kicking her feet a bit over the edge. Eleanor had never been good with emotions, expressing or talking about them, growing up with an emotionally stunted father would probably do that to you. The only person who could easily read through her stony exterior was Dick. Her and Jason were almost too similar in the regard that they both liked punching things to make them feel better.</p><p>“About the mission Jay,” Eleanor starts after a minute of silence, feeling like she needs to say something.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Jason grumbles, immediately turning away from her, Eleanor supposes she should be glad he hadn’t told her to <em>fuck off</em> or left when she showed up.</p><p>“It’s not fine,” Eleanor replies, “Batman shouldn’t have said what he said.”</p><p>“He’s not wrong though,” Jason states, with another shrug. “I let my anger get the better of me, almost killed Penguin's henchmen.”</p><p>It wasn’t like she’d never gone overboard before. Especially when it came to human trafficking, it sickened her to her very core. Batman had had to pull her off a couple of the sickos when <em>Nightingale</em> had lost her temper.</p><p>“<em>Almost</em>, you stopped,” Eleanor worries her lip between her teeth, “you’re not a criminal.”</p><p>“I literally stole car tires as a kid,” Jason gives something between an amused and a sullen look; she lets out an annoyed huff at his stubbornness. What Jason had done on the streets was just to survive, to get enough money to <em>eat</em>. That wasn’t like he was doing it because he wanted to cause other people misery.</p><p>“It was stupid, sure,” he says with another shrug “but the guy totally deserved it. He was selling drugs to kids.”</p><p>“I know,” Eleanor murmurs in reply, Batman had wanted to interrogate the guy find out the actual supplier, but he had gone into shock after Jason had beat him up. “But you know dad, it’s always black and white with him.”</p><p>Jason huffs, whether it was in agreement or annoyance she can’t really tell. Perhaps both.</p><p>Eleanor shakes her head; this isn’t why she’d tracked him down anyway. Digging through her pockets Eleanor fishes out the small gift she’d gotten him. The wrapping wasn’t fancy, she wasn’t very good at it, but she’d at least hope it was something he’d like. Eleanor glances at the time, five minutes past midnight and holds out the present for him.</p><p>“Happy fourteenth birthday, little brother.”</p><p>He blinks at her, mouth slightly parted in surprise.</p><p>“You got me a gift?” Jason doesn’t reach out to grab it. “Why?” Suspicion flits across his face.</p><p>“’Course I got you a gift,” Eleanor gestures towards it, “because it’s your birthday and you’re my brother, now will you please open it and tell me how horribly I got it wrong.” She smiles teasingly again, hiding her worry.</p><p>He takes it tentatively, glancing from it to her a couple of times before he opens it. Once the wrap is out of the way Jason just stares, eyes wide.</p><p>“You got me a copy of <em>The Hobbit</em>?”</p><p>“You liked the other ones right, thought you’d like that one too,” Eleanor says grinning at his excited tone, she nods towards the book.</p><p>“Open it.”</p><p>“No way,” Jason says as he flips the book open showing the autograph on the first page, “you got me a <em>signed copy of the Hobbit?”</em></p><p>“It’s forty years old, give or take,” Eleanor chuckles, “do be careful with it.”</p><p>It had taken her a while to personally track down; Eleanor had wanted it to be a surprise, so she hadn’t told anyone. Eleanor had even gone to Europe to personally speak to the older gentleman selling it. All worth it to see the look on Jason’s face. Ever since he’d seen the Wayne manor library, Jason had probably spent more time than anyone other than Alfred in the room, reading books by the dozen.</p><p>He carefully flips through the pages, shrugging his cape forward to ward against the wind. Jason reads the first page in silence before he closes the book and looks up at her.</p><p>“Thanks Ella,” there’s a tremor to his voice, he carefully tucks the book back in the wrapper and then into one of his pockets before leaning towards her and hugs her tightly. Eleanor quickly wraps her arms around him, leaning her cheek against the top of his head. She understands it’s not really the gift that’s making Jason emotional, she could have probably given him any book, signed or not and he’d be just as happy about it.</p><p>It’s the fact that Eleanor listened, that she remembered – not only Jason’s birthday, but that he never had owned any books growing up. Jason had told her that he’d sneak out sometimes and go to the library when his parents were arguing or whenever his dad was out doing work for the gangs and his mother had passed out from drug over-use.</p><p>They’d only known each other for a little over a year now, and yet Eleanor felt connected to him like no other. The little brother she didn’t know she wanted or needed. As Eleanor holds him in her arms, squeezing him perhaps a bit too hard, she swears silently in her head that she was always going to be there for him, Eleanor would never abandon him.</p><p>“Anything for you Jaybird.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Darling, Everything's on Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>** 2014 – September – Gotham **</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She drives the guy’s head into the concrete <em>again</em>, he laughs through the pain and Eleanor feels very close to the point of no return, her anger would eventually get the better of her.</p><p>“Do you think this is a fucking game?” She snarls, jerking the guy towards her by the collar of his shirt. He keeps laughing, the white painted smile dribbling with blood and wide crazed eyes mocking her. Eleanor raises her fist to punch the laughter off of his already bruised face, but a hand on her elbow stops her. She looks over her shoulder towards Dick.</p><p>“You won’t get any answers out of him if you knock him out, Nightingale.”</p><p>“Fine.” Eleanor mutters, letting the thug go. He collapses to the ground like a ragdoll, and before Dick can stop her, she kicks the goon hard in the stomach. No head injury, right? He spits out blood through his teeth with another mad cackle.</p><p>Three weeks,<em> three fucking weeks</em> and nothing. With Batman chasing leads from one end of the world to the other, her and Dick chasing dead ends in Gotham and there was absolutely fucking nothing. It reeked, the Joker wasn’t known for his fucking subtlety, so why now?</p><p>Eleanor can hear Dick as he tries to reason with the guy, playing good cop. She flexes her fingers angrily; she knew she’d probably injured her knuckles earlier by the sharp stab of pain she feels. Guilt washes over her at the thought, Eleanor was <em>uncomfortable</em> with a bruised – possibly sprained, knuckle? Jason had spent three weeks so far with <em>the Joker.</em> She had to get over herself.</p><p>Eleanor turns back towards the interrogation to see Dick pull out some handcuffs and snap them around the still madly chuckling thug’s wrists.</p><p>“Anything?”</p><p>“No,” Dick straightens up, crossing his arms. His face is neutral, but she knows he worries, Dick’s just better at hiding it.</p><p>“What’s the matter?!” The thug shrieks from the ground, worming his way forward on the hard steel floor towards the two of them. “You lost a little birdie?!”</p><p>Eleanor leaps forward grabbing a hold of one of Dick’s Escrima sticks and raises it to strike the thug on the ground, but Dick’s strong arm grabs her around the waist, tugging her back towards his chest and holding on to her arm.</p><p>“It’s not worth it,” Dick says against the side of her head as she struggles, the thug still cackling away on the ground. “He’s not worth it.”</p><p>Dick’s right, the guy was already roughed up to the point of permanent damage but the anger inside of her was ready to lash out at anything, like a coiled snake waiting for its pray to get within striking distance. Eleanor lets out a sharp breath, lowering her arm. <em>Justice, not vengeance.</em> The man continues to cackle on the ground, almost frothing at the mouth as he shoots the two of them mad glances.</p><p>The warehouse door shakes with the sound someone pounding on it. Eleanor hands Dick back his weapon and turns away from the thug as it opens. Willing herself to regain some semblance of control. Captain Gordon steps through, a couple of other police officers close behind him.</p><p>“Jesus Christ,” he grumbles at the scene, she feels a sick sense of pride. Yeah, Joker’s thugs hadn’t seen them coming and they’d all gotten exactly what they deserved. They were all still alive of course, but some would probably never walk again. Eleanor hoped.</p><p>“Did you find whatever it was you needed?” Gordon asks looking at her, stepping over one of the crippled thugs. He gestures towards the guy who’s still madly cackling on the ground and one of his officers quickly moves over and drags him away.</p><p>“No.” Dick answers for her when Eleanor doesn’t offer a reply.</p><p>Gordon sighs heavily, he looks older than he is, “guess that would have been too easy.”</p><p>She clamps her mouth shut, the Captain had done everything in his power to assist them, even though they hadn’t told him exactly what it was they were looking for. Though, Eleanor suspected that he did know, since <em>Robin</em> hadn’t been spotted in the city for quite some time, but he chose to not inquire about it. Plausible deniability and all that.</p><p>“Let us know if you hear anything else,” Dick says, glancing at her and jerking his head towards the open skylight.</p><p>“Sure, you’ll be the first.” Gordon mutters kneeling down to examine one of the unconscious thugs. Both her and Dick are out of the building by the time he stands up again.</p><p>They swing for a couple of blocks before Eleanor curses and comes to a stop on one of the many tall buildings that litter Gotham. Dick tucks into a roll and stop next to her, giving her a concerned look while he gets on his feet.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“No,” Eleanor mutters there was several reasons why she wasn’t okay. She flexes her fingers again, grimacing.</p><p>“Let me see,” Dick says quietly, holding his hand out. She tugs her glove off and stretches her fingers out into his palm. He gently pokes at her reddened knuckle, it hurts. But the pain feels better than utter uselessness Eleanor had felt the past couple of weeks. So instead of saying anything she cools her expression and lets him prod. It’s not until he moves her finger upwards slightly that she lets out a sharp breath.</p><p>Dick’s eyes shot up to hers, and he frowns. Eleanor would have laughed if she wasn’t in such a terrible mood.</p><p>“Christ babe, you got to tell me if I’m hurting you.”</p><p>“It felt good,” she replies, its wrong thing to say. The concern on his face is dangerously close to pity. Eleanor’s got half a mind to rip her hand away from his, she didn’t want or need anyone’s pity. Dick sighs heavily, reaching into one of his many pockets to procure a bandage and a splint, wrapping it tightly around two of her fingers to keep them in place.</p><p>“Does that feel better?”</p><p>No. “Yes,” Eleanor murmurs, “sorry.”</p><p>Dick steps closer, tucking her glove into her belt before he wraps his arms around her. She allows herself to lean in to his touch. To breath in the familiar calming scent of him. Eleanor hadn’t cried when Jason had been taken. She hadn’t cried when they found out Joker was behind it. She hadn’t cried when lead after lead turned up dead ends. She wouldn’t start now. Because that would mean Eleanor had something to cry about, and Jason wasn’t dead. He was alive, and he was waiting for them to find him, to save him.</p><p>“We can’t fail, Dick,” she whispers into the crook of his neck.</p><p>“We won’t,” he says, “we’ll find him, I promise.”</p><p>Eleanor wouldn’t cry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. You'll be Alright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>** 2014 – September – Gotham **</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Eleanor finds it when she’s digging through her room looking for her wrist computer.</p><p>It’s the blue that catches her attention, the colour stands out against the otherwise dark colours of her room, Eleanor brushes some paper out of the way lifting the book up from her desk. <em>The Great Gatsby</em>, one of Jason’s books. He’d pestered her about reading it, and Eleanor had promised she would, but then never taken the time to actually do so.</p><p>She runs her fingers over the hardcover, tracing over the yellow text at the top before flipping the book open. Eleanor sits back on her legs, kneeling on the ground as she reads the first page. It takes her longer than she’d like, her focus keeps drifting and Eleanor finds herself re-reading a sentence over and over again. She carefully flips the worn paper, watching as something slides out the pages, her eyes drift downwards to the floor and her heart almost stops.</p><p>“Oh,” the noise leaves her lips before she can stop herself, reaching down, Eleanor picks up the picture, it’s her, Jason and Dick. Dick was in the middle, at first glance he looked pissed, but his eyes betrayed him, they shone with amusement. Jason was holding the camera, a wide grin on his face, and Eleanor had a hand on Dick’s right arm, laughing so hard tears had formed in her eyes. The entire left side of Dick’s face was covered in whipped cream.</p><p>Eleanor remembers the day it had been taken.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They were on their way out of the Gotham amusement park, it was still early afternoon, a surprisingly pleasant day in the city, they’d even had some sunshine. Eleanor walks slightly behind them, she can’t quite pinpoint if it’s pride or happiness or a mixture of both as she watches two of her favourite people in the entire world argue. Well... argue might be the wrong description, a heated debate might be more accurate. </em>
</p><p><em>“Whatever Grayson,” Jason had said waving dismissively towards the taller of the two. “The book will always be superior to </em>any <em>movie or series.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“I’m just saying,” Dick replies with a shrug, returning Jason’s annoyed looks with a passive one, “the newest adaptation of it was pretty good.” He shoots her a look, “right, Ellie?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She holds her hands up in an attempt to defend herself, “do not bring me into this.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jason looks over his shoulder towards her before stopping, forcing the two of them to stop too. He crosses his arms, an eyebrow raised.</em>
</p><p><em>“You read the book though, you can’t seriously say that the </em>Sherlock Holmes<em> movie was better than the book.”</em></p><p>
  <em>Eleanor opens her mouth to reply but Dick cuts in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay, the first movie was pretty mediocre, but the series were kind of awesome.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They both look at her, as if Eleanor’s supposed to be the deciding factor. She purses her lips about to reply when the pie comes flying out of nowhere and lands on the right side of Dick’s head. They stare for a moment in silence, the clown that had thrown it goes giggling down the street every step making a ‘honk’ sound. Jason is the first to break the silence with laughter, he keeps going until he’s red in the face and gasping for breath. Meanwhile Dick is looking at her in complete disbelief, like she had somehow played a part of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eleanor feels a smile slowly creep up on her face, and a half-hearted glare appears on her boyfriends.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hang on,” Jason gasps, still laughing reaching for something in his pocket “I need a picture of this.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” Dick snaps his attention towards Jason and takes half a step towards him. She immediately places a hand on Dick’s shoulder, Eleanor’s unsure if it’s to stop him because she too wants a picture of it or just hold on to him as she laughs, looking towards Jason with his phone raised, Eleanor hears the shutter of the camera go off a couple of times before Dick can actually act, then he reaches out to grab Jason.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jason, despite his laughing and with his nose buried in his phone, sees it coming and quickly evades Dick’s grappling arms, Eleanor starts laughing properly as the two of them play a very messy game of cat and mouse.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She closes her eyes, taking a deep shuddering breath and opens her eyes again. Eleanor doesn’t know if there’s anything wrong with her, there’s no tears in the corner of her eyes, she has no need to cry or sob. She turns the photograph around spotting the ink in the corner.</p><p>
  <em>‘Best day ever with Dick &amp; Ella.’</em>
</p><p>Written in Jason’s neat handwriting.</p><p>Eleanor’s not sure if she wants to laugh or punch something, her heart breaks simultaneously as it warms from the memory. Curling in on herself, pressing her forehead against the book cover and tries to control her breathing, trying to slow her heart racing. That’s how Dick finds her, slowly rocking backwards and forwards, breathing slowly in and out. Eleanor feels his hand on her shoulder, she stills and glances up at him.</p><p>He crouches down next to her and she finds herself leaning into him resting her head against his chest as Eleanor runs another couple of fingers over the book and picture.</p><p>“What have you got there?” Dick murmurs, wrapping an arm around her waist. She smiles, moving her hand away from the picture. Eleanor feels rather than hears his responding chuckle.</p><p>“Do you remember that day?”</p><p>“I remember finding whipped cream in my ear for the rest of the day when we got home.”</p><p>They laugh quietly.</p><p>“Jay had never been to an amusement park before,” she shakes her head softly. “He was like a kid in a candy shop.”</p><p>“Yeah, he went on the biggest rollercoaster he could find until he was green in the face.” Dick says with a fond sigh.</p><p>Eleanor pulls away from him and frowns, feeling suddenly disgusting with herself.</p><p>“What are we doing?” She says, swallowing back bile, Dick gives her a confused look, “we’re talking about him like we’re never going to see him again.”</p><p>“Ellie-“</p><p>“It’s okay,” Eleanor gently interrupts him by pressing her hand to his cheek and runs her thumb across his lips she gives him a small smile. Standing up and placing the book back on her desk and tucking the picture securely within its pages. Eleanor spots the wrist computer next to her laptop and snatches it up. Dick stands up next to her.</p><p>“I can’t watch your back like this, Eleanor,” she finally takes a long good look at him, Dick looks exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes.</p><p>“It’s okay Dick, you rest,” Eleanor replies clipping the computer onto her wrist and then she places a hand on Dick’s chest, over his heart. “There’s a rumour of another of Joker’s crews setting up in the docks, I’m going to check it out.”</p><p>“Alone?”</p><p>She bites her lip; Eleanor didn’t want him to worry about her. “I’ll call Barbara, okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” he murmurs, shoulders slumping in relief. “Be careful, please.”</p><p>Eleanor tries to give him a reassuring smile. “I will, get some rest.” She leans up and kisses his cheek before she starts walking out of her room with renewed purpose.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hold on to This Lullaby</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>** 2014 – October – Gotham **</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her vision flickers, the pain in her abdomen lessens by the minute. Eleanor knows it’s bad, she’s starting to feel cold from blood loss, and even with her hand pressed over the wound she knew she’s going to faint soon.</p><p>“How I see it, Nightwig,” Eleanor hears Harley Quinn mockingly call out in a sing-song voice, “either ya save your little friend, or ya can come after me!”</p><p>Eleanor wants to tell Dick she’s okay, it’s a gunshot wound, Eleanor’s been shot before, it’s not that serious. But when she opens her mouth, she feels her own blood run down the corner of her lips and no sound, bar a pained groan escapes her.</p><p>
  <em>Don’t let her get away, she’s knows where Joker is!</em>
</p><p>Dick’s hand presses down over her wound, Eleanor meets his gaze, or tries to, it’s getting harder to focus. Large black spots clouds her vision.</p><p>“I’ve got you,” he says softly, and the ground disappears from under her. The last thing she hears before her world goes black is Quinn’s laughter as she calls out a very excited ‘bye!’</p><p> </p><p>The first thing Eleanor notices when she regains consciousness is the familiar dripping sound of water and the scent of underground. Without opening her eyes Eleanor knows she’s back in the cave. She continues to breath slowly, trying to regain some sense of control before she moves. There’s no other sounds bar the low hum of the machines Eleanor’s no doubt hooked up to. Alone then, makes sense, the others were probably out.</p><p>She shifts, and immediately regrets it. The pain from the gunshot wounds to her stomach makes her bite her lip so hard Eleanor tastes blood and she opens her eyes as tears gather. <em>Shit.</em></p><p>How long had she been here?</p><p><em>Breathe.</em> She has to remind herself, taking a deep shuddering breath, the pain is still there, but fades slightly as Eleanor gets used to it. She looks around, definitely in the cave, in the medical room to be more specific. The light in the room is low but allows her to take in her surroundings without issue. Eleanor’s dressed in her tights and her sports bra with a bandage wrapped around her stomach. Her long hair is no longer in the neat braid she’d made before going out after Harley.</p><p>Harley Quinn’s painted and laughing face flashes in front of her eyes, she remembers hearing the gun go off several times, remembers the impacts in her abdomen, there hadn’t been any immediate pain, only warmth. Eleanor remembers fighting off more of Joker’s thugs before she’d collapsed on the ground, Quinn still giggling from her elevated position. She remembers seeing Dick there, defending her as Eleanor had been vulnerable on the ground before her vision had gotten fuzzy. Before the wounds in her stomach had gotten uncomfortably hot until it was burning, and she’d desperately tried to stop the flow of blood.</p><p>Eleanor needed to get up.</p><p>She grits her teeth through the pain as she throws her legs over the edge of the bed. With unsteady fingers Eleanor grabs the various cords to the EKG machine and the IV needle to yank it out of her hand. The floor is cold under her feet as she stands, she has to hold herself up for a moment as her head spins.</p><p>
  <em>Focus Eleanor.</em>
</p><p>The first step she takes towards the doors is painful and she can’t quite stop herself from making a low anguished noise. She makes her way out of the medical room, up the familiar stairs towards the centre area, towards the Batcomputer. All Eleanor can hear is the heavy and rapid thudding of her heart, her left hand pressed tightly over the bandages around her midsection.</p><p>The world tilts on its axis and her knees hurt when she collapses on the top of the stairs, <em>breathe.</em> Eleanor wouldn’t – <em>couldn’t</em> let the pain control her. A warm hand suddenly grips her arm and when she looks up to see Alfred gaze back at her, he’s talking, his mouth moving but Eleanor can’t hear anything but a low pitch and the beat of her heart.</p><p>He helps her up, moves her over towards a chair and sits her down. Eleanor blinks heavily, looking up at him.</p><p>“How long?” her voice is quiet and raspy, and it hurts to talk. She clears her throat. “How long have I been out?”</p><p>“Three days, Miss.” Alfred replies, sounding exasperated. “Which in my opinion is hardly enough, you need to rest.”</p><p>Three days, how had she been out for three days? Eleanor had been shot before and had been awake when Alfred had removed the bullet from her leg. She’d been back to training after a couple of hours.</p><p>“How bad was it?” She questions, choosing to ignore Alfred’s irked gaze on her.</p><p>“The bullets hit nothing critical, the blood loss was the worst of it. However coupled with the extreme pressure you’ve put yourself through these past months it was hardly a surprise you slept for so long. You needed – and still need, the rest. Miss.”</p><p>Eleanor gives Alfred a tight smile, or an attempt at one anyway.</p><p>“Thank you, but I need to get back to work, where’s dad and Dick?”</p><p>He looks at her with a face that screams disappointment.</p><p>“Master’s Bruce and Dick went back to the city a few hours ago, trying to recover the trail of Miss Quinzel.”</p><p>“I should go help them,” Eleanor murmurs staggering to her feet, she bites back a groan of pain, closing her eyes to take a couple of steady breaths.</p><p>“Miss Eleanor,” Alfred says, his voice having taken on a gentler tone, “I understand you feel responsible, but you must allow yourself to rest. You’re not only hindering yourself in your quest to find Master Jason but also putting those you care for in harm’s way.”</p><p>The words hurt more than the gunshot wound. Or so Eleanor would like to think. He’s right of course, she’d slipped up, miscalculated how many of them there had been, rushed it. Not thinking straight, not thinking fast enough. Eleanor could have died. She could have gotten Dick killed.</p><p>The silence feels heavy and deafening.</p><p>“Can you help me to my room, Alfred?” Not a defeat, recuperation and then she’d be back out there, stronger and better. Alfred smiles gently, stepping forward to help hold her up and slowly starts to lead her out of the cave.</p><p>Eleanor doesn’t fall asleep immediately, instead she lays in her bed, staring up into the ceiling. She's exhausted, even after having slept for three days. Yet, she can’t find herself to let sleep take her, not just yet. She reaches over to the nightstand, grabbing the blue covered book that Jason had left in her room. Opening the book just enough to find the photograph still hidden within it, Eleanor uses it to guide her as she reads.</p><p>Eleanor doesn’t remember falling asleep, but she wakes again when her bed dips slightly to her side. Blinking up Eleanor can see the familiar features of her boyfriend, and a bit of sunlight making its way through her window, it makes Dick look paler than he actually is. There’s a bruise on his face, she notes, under his eye.</p><p>“Sorry,” Dick murmurs in a hushed tone, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”</p><p>“S’okay,” she mumbles back, reaching out to towards him, Eleanor feels drunk, like her fine motor skills aren’t quite working. He grips her hand gently in his, leaning down to press a kiss to the back of it.</p><p>“You worried me, pretty bird.”</p><p>Eleanor detangles her hand from his and reaches up to his cheek, carefully brushing her fingers under the bruise.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“Nothing, got a little sloppy,” Dick yawns, leaning against her hand. The circles under his eyes look even more defined in the light, he’s probably not slept in a while either. All of them so busy trying to find Jason, she absentmindedly wonders if Bruce is getting any rest. Closing her eyes, Eleanor lets her hand drift down to rest against his chest, feeling the rhythmic beat of his heart.</p><p>“Don’t go,” Eleanor mumbles gripping his shirt, trying to tug him closer. Her arm feels weak, but he doesn’t move away. Instead the bed dips again as Dick shifts over her and lays down on his side, facing her. Eleanor tilts her head, opening her eyes slightly to meet his beautiful light blue ones.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Dick asks, lacing their fingers together.</p><p>“Remember the gauntlet?”</p><p>Dick chuckles lightly, “that bad huh?”</p><p>“Much better now though,” Eleanor says, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his.</p><p>Later Eleanor will wake up and feel guilty for allowing herself to feel happy when she knows Jason is being tortured by Joker. But for the moment, laying in her bed, surrounded by morning's first light and the man she loves, Eleanor feels peaceful.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The War Outside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>** 2014 – October – Gotham **</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Eighty-six, eighty-seven, eighty-eight…</em>
</p><p>She breathes out, <em>eighty-nine, ninety, ninety-one. </em></p><p>Her body protests, but Eleanor keeps going, her back pressed down against the mat and then pressing her chest up against her knees. Ever since she’d gotten shot in the abdomen roughly a month ago, she had to rebuild the muscles there. Not from scratch of course, but she needed to do better, to get better.</p><p>
  <em>“You know babe, as much as I love listening to you working out, that’s not really what I had in mind when I called.”</em>
</p><p>“You can always <em>– umph</em>, hang up,” she grunts out, <em>one hundred.</em> Eleanor flips over, holding one hand behind her back as she starts the push ups, swapping hands after every tenth.</p><p><em>“Don’t you miss me?”</em> Always. Eleanor doesn’t think she’s capable of <em>not</em> missing him, Dick could be gone for a minute, a day or a week and she’d feel like a part of her was missing.</p><p>“You’re the one who left,” Eleanor reminds him, she's not bitter, Batman had ordered him to go and that was about the extent of her knowledge. She hadn’t pressed for more information; Eleanor had trusted her father to know what he was doing after all. She was hoping it was a lead, but by now everything looked pretty bleak. <em>No, we don't give up. Never.</em></p><p>
  <em>“I’ll be back soon, I promise.”</em>
</p><p>“You better,” Eleanor bites out through another push up. She hears him sigh.</p><p><em>“Looks like my contact is here, I’ve got to go.” </em>She sits back, allowing her body a moment of recuperation.</p><p>“Stay safe,” Eleanor murmurs into the commlink. “Love you.”</p><p>
  <em>“Love you too.”</em>
</p><p>The link goes dead, and Eleanor reaches up to remove it from her ear as she stands. The loud roar of the engine of the Batmobile is all the warning she gets as her father arrives back to the cave. Eleanor quickly moves over and sits down on one of the work-out benches, grabbing her bottle of water and downs a couple of mouthfuls.</p><p>The car comes to a stop by its normal parking spot, turning around automatically to face the exit again, but her father doesn’t immediately get out. Eleanor can’t help the frown, that wasn’t normal, Bruce was usually in a rush going places.</p><p>When the doors eventually slide open and her father jumps out, he isn’t alone. There’s a kid with him, she’d guess twelve, maybe thirteen. Black haired, with wide eyes and even from this distance Eleanor can see the wonder that reflects in his dark blue eyes as he looks around the cave.</p><p>Eleanor purses her lips in annoyance as she eyes her father – his cowl lowered, she hated being blind sighted, especially when it came to things that involved their vigilante lives. Had their roles been reversed, Eleanor was sure that Bruce would be more than just annoyed.</p><p>The kid spots her as Eleanor stands, he takes a couple of hesitant steps towards her before he stops, eyes flickering between her and her father.</p><p>“Timothy, this is my daughter, Eleanor Wayne.”</p><p>Her father’s voice is calm, collected, he watches her, no, he’s studying her. Waiting for a response.</p><p>The kid, Timothy, turns towards her properly, and raises his hand for her to shake.</p><p>“Hi, call me Tim. You’re Nightingale, right?”</p><p>Eleanor tries to not react, well, not outwardly anyway, but she feels the muscles in her jaw clench, her eyes snapping towards her father. He looks back at her with an expressionless look on his face.</p><p>“What the hell is going on?” Eleanor finally snaps, completely ignoring the kids outstretched hand. Her father raises an eyebrow at the outburst.</p><p>“Tim is going to join us,” he replies in a deep voice, it’s not quite the growl of Batman, but not quite Bruce Wayne either. Her eyes snap back towards the kid again, he’s shifting on his feet on the hard metal floor, not meeting her gaze, instead he’s looking at the suits hanging in their glass display cages. Had Eleanor missed something? When did this kid come into the picture? What was-… <em>No</em>.</p><p><em>“You’re replacing him?!”</em> She doesn’t recognize her own voice, taking several steps towards her father, her fists clenched in anger. Bruce doesn’t even flinch, neither does he say anything. He just stares.</p><p>“You are, aren’t you,” Eleanor growls after several minutes of silence, feeling disbelief flood her. Then anger. “What is <em>wrong</em> with you?!”</p><p>She pushes him, it’s not meant to put him on the ground, it’s an angry instinct that’s not borne out of her training. Her father doesn’t move, he doesn’t even push her hands away. The fact that he doesn’t react is even more infuriating.</p><p>“I can’t believe you!” She snarls angrily, “Jason is still missing and now you’re going to replace him with-,” Eleanor gestures furiously towards the kid, not looking at him.</p><p>“I’ve not given up on Jason, Eleanor,” he sounds like her father when he speaks, not like Batman. It’s almost a gentle tone. Almost.</p><p>“Yeah,” she scoffs, finally glaring over towards Tim, he flinches away from her anger. “Then what the fuck is he doing here?”</p><p>“Alfred,” her father says then, turning his head towards the stairs.</p><p>“Right away, Master Bruce,” the butler nods giving a wave towards the kid, “this way if you would Master Drake.” Tim shoots a questioning glance at her father – who only nods in response, before following Alfred up the stairs towards the manor.</p><p>It takes her way to long to realise that not once during their entire conversation had the name ‘Drake’ been used, this hadn’t been on impulse. Of course it hadn’t, her father did nothing without a plan.</p><p>“How long?” Eleanor snaps as Alfred leads the kid away.</p><p>“A while,” her father replies as he starts undoing the top layer of his armour. “Tim has followed us for quite some time, he deduced our secret identities while Dick was still Robin.”</p><p>“So why now?”</p><p>“He asked.”</p><p>She exhales sharply, “what about <em>Jason</em>?”</p><p>“We’ll find him.”</p><p>“That’s not what I meant, and you fucking know it.”</p><p>Her father turns to look at her, for a moment there’s a spark of actual anger in his eyes. “Take care what tone you use with me, Eleanor.”</p><p>Eleanor’s back straightens out automatically, like a soldier or an obedient dog. The phrase ‘sorry sir’ is almost out of her mouth, almost. Once again, Eleanor’s harshly reminded about the workout she’d put her body though as her muscles tense to an uncomfortable degree, she’s almost trembling out of exertion or rage she couldn't say. Eleanor forces herself to relax.</p><p>“We are going to find Jason, but in the meanwhile, Tim will begin training.” There’s no room for compromise in her father’s voice. “He’s smart, <em>very</em> smart. He’s trained himself, but I want you to oversee-.”</p><p>“No.” Not again.</p><p>Her father frowns, turning properly to look at her.</p><p>“If you want to train the kid, fine,” she shakes her head, “but I’m not… <em>I can’t</em> waste time on him, time that could go towards finding Jason. If that’s not acceptable, then you’re just going to have to fire me.”</p><p>Eleanor’s a soldier, replaceable if necessary. She was supposed to follow orders, and she did, to a ridiculous degree. But not this one. She can’t. Not when Jay needed her.</p><p>“Then get out.”</p><p>It hurts. Eleanor had not expected him to actually do it, even though she’d practically challenged him to. Eleanor lets out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding and turns away from him without another word. She makes her way upstairs, through the hidden entrance in the family room and starts heading towards her room when she almost walks into the kid. Eleanor stops and stares at him as he looks at her with his eyes wide. Wonder or awe, some sort of hero worship maybe. He’d asked to join them, father had said. Eleanor debates briefly if she should punch him, show him that it wasn’t a game. Show him that he could get seriously hurt.</p><p>“I don’t mean to-,” he blurts out before he stops himself, frowning now. Looking for the right words, “Batman needs a Robin.”</p><p>Eleanor clenches her jaw until it’s almost feels painful, <em>he has one</em>.</p><p>“Get out of my way,” she manages to hiss out, moving to push past him.</p><p>“I asked Richard Grayson first!” he calls after her and Eleanor stops, feeling like she’d just been punched in the gut. “I spoke to him, begged him to come back and become Robin again, but he refused.”</p><p>Dick had known? No, he would have told her. He wouldn’t keep something like this away from her, not something this important, something that affected their secret identities. But the kid didn’t seem like a liar, in fact he seemed quite the opposite. She needed to get out of here, it was becoming too much, it was becoming hard to breathe. Jason needed to be found, Eleanor would focus on that, everything else could wait. Had to wait.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Don't Leave me Here Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>** 2014 – November – Bosnia-Herzegovina **</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Eleanor’s in eastern Europe when she gets the call. She catches a glance of her reflection in the tall windowed skyscraper, next to where she’s perching on a building.</p><p>Eleanor’s new black and red suit still feels a bit odd on her, it’s not as skin tight as her black and purple <em>Nightingale</em> suit had been, with the cape gone it’s not as heavy as this new one either. Eleanor would say she looked more like a military operative, with the Nomex fire-resistant triple-weave Kevlar made cargo trousers, long sleeved jacket and domino mask. Eleanor still kept her hair braided and had a hood she could easily pull over her head should she need it.</p><p>Not <em>Nightingale </em>anymore, not working with <em>Batman</em> anymore.</p><p>She taps the glaringly red button on the device to bring up the holo-screen. <em>Batman’s</em> harsh features greets her, first time they’d had a face to face conversation in over a month.</p><p>
  <em>“I know where Jason is.”</em>
</p><p>Her heart immediately beats faster, ever since Bruce had told Eleanor to get out – since he’d essentially fired her, Eleanor had been on her own, hunting down any scrap of information she could, going back and turning over leads they’d since long abandoned. Trying to find anything, like looking for a needle in a haystack.</p><p><em>“I’ll send you the location, you’re closer than I am but you have to promise me that if you see Joker you won’t engage him.” </em>Eleanor’s closer, he was tracking her. <em>Is that really a surprise?</em> She bites back an angry retort; it didn’t matter now.</p><p>“I don’t give a shit about Joker,” Eleanor replies evenly, her voice strangely calm. “I swear, I’m just getting Jason.”</p><p>There’s silence for a moment, Eleanor taps a couple of other buttons on her glove, summoning her bike to the streets below her. Then there’s a ping and the location that her father sent her lights up on the screen.</p><p><em>“Eleanor,”</em> she snaps her eyes back to meet her fathers, Eleanor can see the worry that finally breaks through on his face,<em> shit that isn’t good</em>. <em>“Hurry.”</em></p><p>She leaps from the building, using her grapple hook gun to safely get down to her black bike and straddles it. The GPS tells her it’s going to take her five hours at top speed, Eleanor knows she can do better. Her mind wanders despite her attempt to not over think things as she weaves through the concrete jungles, then out into open farmlands and then into abandoned mountain-village ruins. The feeling of being too late grows by every passing hour.</p><p>Her bike beeps, notifying her that her father is a hour behind her in the jet. Gaining though, he must be pushing the machine to its limits too. It both a comfort and a terrible feeling, not many things could spook Bruce, in fact Eleanor wasn’t even sure she had ever seen him worried like that before. It must be bad. But she can’t allow herself to think like that, Eleanor had to believe that whatever it was that he had seen it wasn’t too late. <em>She couldn’t be too late.</em></p><p>Then she’s there, the warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Snow falls lightly around her as she parks the bike, the scans had shown only one life from inside the building. Jason’s, had to be. There are no tracks in the freshly fallen snow either, so Joker must have left a while ago, right? Nor is there any sign on her scanners of any cameras. The only security that Eleanor can see is the thick padlocked on the door, locked from the outside, for a brief moment she has no idea what to do next.</p><p>
  <em>Focus.</em>
</p><p>She grabs her kit, makes sure it isn’t booby trapped and picks the look with ease, it hadn’t meant to stop her. Hadn’t been meant to keep her out, it had been meant to keep Jason in.</p><p>Carefully she opens the door, again, making sure it’s not trapped. The first thing Eleanor notes is the smell of death. How long had he been here? She spots him on the ground not five meters away from her, there’s blood around him, both fresh and dried.</p><p>The red and yellow <em>Robin</em> uniform is tattered; Jason’s black hair matted against his head and his ankle is twisting in a way that means it’s broken. Both his gloves and boots are missing. But he’s moving, slowly – with a pained groan that has Eleanor’s heart squeezing painfully in her chest, dragging himself towards the door. Towards her.</p><p>“Jason,” Eleanor breathes, taking a step towards him. Jason looks up, one eye swollen shut, the other filled with tears and says something, even though no noise leaves his mouth, still she can read it off his lips.</p><p>
  <em>“You came for me. I knew you would.”</em>
</p><p>Everything slows down, Jason bound hands outstretched towards her, tears sliding down his cheeks. The repetitive ticking of the bomb’s in the room, the timer slowly counting down, <em>three, two, one.</em> The explosion that sends Eleanor flying backwards, the scream that leaves her lips as she tries to resist the force, tries to move closer to him. The faint shimmer of blue that surrounds her, and when she lands on her back in the cold snow, she doesn’t feel any worse for wear.</p><p>Eleanor knows she had been close enough to the bomb that it should have knocked her out or broken several of her bones.</p><p>The building is scattered, there’s a noise coming from somewhere. It takes her several moments to realise that it’s <em>her. </em>Screaming. Eleanor scrambles to her feet; the fire still rages hotly around her as she pushes into the ruin. The smoke makes it hard to see, and hard to breathe.</p><p>She struggles with wood, stone and metal, pushing it out of the way until her hands bleed and burn.</p><p>When Eleanor finally finds him, his body is twisted away from her, she collapses on to her knees in front of him, touching his shoulder as if it was just another day and she was waking him up for school.</p><p>“Hey Jay, I found you. It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, carefully manoeuvring him so she can cradle Jason to her. “I’ve got you, Jaybird,” Eleanor brushes his black hair away from his eyes, cleans some soot away from his face and rocks him gently in her arms.</p><p>“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” she whispers as tears fall freely from her eyes, leaning her forehead against his and pressing a soft kiss against his temple.</p><p>“Please Jay, just open your eyes.”</p><p>Eleanor loses track of time as she cradles him in her arms, begging for Jason to open his eyes. Her legs grows numb from the cold, Eleanor’s tears feels like ice on her cheeks. How could any of them have let this happen? How could <em>she</em> have let this happen? Almost six whole months of searching, of finding no trace of him whatsoever, and now Jason’s… he’s…</p><p>Eleanor feels a hand on her shoulder, and she tears her gaze away from Jason to look up at her father. He doesn’t say anything, instead he slowly lifts Jason’s body off the ground, away from Eleanor’s arms and starts walking.</p><p>She slams her fists into the ground and screams, again and again until all Eleanor can feel is the numbing pain in her hands and the soreness of her throat. Her bloodied fingers brushes across something hard and sharp on the ground, she opens her eyes, wiping away any remnant tears and picks it up. It’s one of Jason’s small ‘R’ shaped shuriken’s.</p><p>It’s difficult to count the number of emotions that broils within her. Sadness, hopelessness, guilt, anger. It’s a mixture that feels like it’s going to break her, Eleanor clenches her fist around the metal, it cuts into her hand. It was <em>his</em> fault. <em>He</em> had done this to Jason, to Eleanor’s little brother, and there was no prison on earth that could save him now.</p><p>Joker was going to pay for what he had done. If it was the last thing Eleanor did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I'll Never Let You Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>** 2014 – November – Gotham **</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Jaybird,” Eleanor mumbles, kneeling down in front of the cold stone. The rain of Gotham bears down on her, yet she can’t help but think it’s fitting. A miserable type of weather, for a miserable type of girl.</p><p>“I know I haven’t spoken to you in a while,” she reaches up to wipe tears from her eyes, or maybe it’s just rain. Eleanor doesn’t really know; it feels like she hasn’t stopped crying since it happened a couple  of months ago. “I finally finished that book you wanted me to read, it was rather dramatic. I could see why you like it.”</p><p>Reaching out Eleanor brushes her fingers against the cold stone, along the letters of Jason’s name etched into it. There’s nothing else but that, no <em>loving son</em> or <em>beloved brother</em>. Just the capitalized letters of his name.</p><p>“I think about you every day,” she whispers, “how I could have done things differently to get to you faster. They keep telling me it’s not my fault, but I shielded myself from the blast that ki-“</p><p>Eleanor cuts herself off.</p><p>“Anyway, I was tested for the meta-human gene and it was negative. No one really knows where that blue shield <em>thing</em> came from and I know people wanted to do more tests or whatever, but it was just t-too much. They all look at me like I'm some fragile flower and I-I just couldn't stand it anymore.”</p><p>She drops her hand to the muddied dirt below her.</p><p>“Dick moved to Blüdhaven, he’s a cop now, or will be soon anyway. Uhm, B and I are still not on talking terms, I don’t think we’ll ever be again, not like we talked much before anyway. Alfred is the only one keeping it together I think, or at least he does in front of the rest of us.”</p><p>Eleanor reaches up and grabs the ‘R’ shaped shuriken that she’d hung low on a chain around her neck, running her thumb across the somewhat bumpy metal surface.</p><p>“I-I’m going to leave Gotham for a while, there’s just too many memories and I-“ she breathes unevenly, “I’m afraid if I stay with <em>him</em> locked up in Arkham, I’ll try to go after him again, dad stopped me last time, but he can't watch over me all the time,” Eleanor breathes in slowly again and exhales sharply, forcing her clenched fingers to relax. “And then there’s Dick, we broke up and I-I just need some space I guess, to clear my head and to figure out my place in all of this.”</p><p>“I love you Jay; I promise I won’t ever forget you”.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Work and Chapters are named after cover "Safe &amp; Sound" by Jason Chen (Originally Taylor Swift)</p><p>Thank you for reading :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>